MIT Class of 1963, Class Notes for July/August 2003 issue of Technology Review
When you read this in print our 40th reunion will have come and gone. Amazing! In March webmaster *Ron Young sent you my E-mail asking you to remind me of what IHTFP really meant; I offered some blatantly phony examples like "Illuminate Hazards To Facilitate Progress".
*Ron Rothchild responded promptly "Mike, Are you serious? Is this all tongue in cheek, yanking our chain? Just on the odd chance that you really don't remember…" *Don Eidam said, "Is your request a serious one? I thought everyone knew... I heard this phrase every day from 1959 to 1963". *Roy Komack wrote "Surely you jest and really remember…" and *Paul Berger chortled, "You've got to be kidding!" I WAS KIDDING. I was looking for alternate definitions for this uniquely MIT acronym, along with some news.
*Chuck Schumacher caught my ploy. "Hey Mike, I can't believe you really don't know what IHTFP means...you're pulling our collective legs, trolling for some kind of response, right? IHTFP stands for Is Heinz The Finest Pickle? Or maybe not… I Hate This… is more likely. I'm not the inventor of the acronym, and I don't know who claims to be, so I can't really be sure..." Chuck and his wife, Patricia, have lived in Marblehead, MA, since 1972 when he returned from 5 years at Bell Labs. He retired from NYNEX/Verizon in 1994 after 30 years with Mother Bell and descendants, and started a new career as an independent software developer. He can't believe people pay him to do something he'd probably do for free, and thank him when they hand him the check! His only regret is that he didn't make the change sooner. Both of Chuck's kids were married within a week of each other in 2001, in Oregon and Victoria, BC. The Schumachers left Logan Airport at 7 am on September 11, just an hour ahead of the hijacked planes, and their trip west for the weddings took a few days longer than planned. Scary!
I couldn't believe how many of you took me literally; I responded that I was indeed pulling your leg. Chuck wrote back, "What did you expect from a bunch of 60-something geeks?" Paul said, "Sorry, Mike, the weather has been so brutal here this winter that humor has taken a leave of absence." *Jeff Levinger, *Ed Gershuny, and *Pat O'Neil also gave me the literal meaning. *Bill Gadzuk had fond memories of IHTFP from his Deke House days. *Warren Sewall knew the meaning, the person who originated IHTFP, and had some amusing off-color stories about that person. *Alan Rogol, who initially said, "I don't think that there is much doubt about its original meaning!" responded, "You got me!" Alan is president of ODR Consulting, and teaches clinical pediatrics and internal medicine at the University of Virginia/Medical College of Virginia in Charlottesville.
*Jack Solomon was sure I remembered what IHTFP meant, but didn't think I could get it through the censors. Jack has been at Praxair in different company incarnations for 35 years. He is chair of Vision 2020 for the Chemical Industry, and heads a group preparing a nanomaterials roadmap for the industry. Jack still plays tennis, and has been trying to get to Nationals in the USTA leagues for 15 years; he's close but no banana. Jack took up tennis umpiring as a hobby, and can tell a few McEnroe stories. *Phil Marcus has spent 14 years running a single-shingle consulting practice in Columbia, MD, specializing in database applications. He's running for the Board of the Columbia Association, a homeowners association with 90K members, "the most miserable (unpaid) job on Earth." Phil separated in 1997, divorced in 2001 and remarried the same year to Peg Silloway, a CPA who works for a consulting firm in the DC area. In a previous life she was a practicing artist. His daughter, Julie, has overcome her ADHD and now has a great ability to understand issues and debate them, and has an affinity for children and animals. His son, Gary (MIT PhD 1993, Cognitive Science) a faculty member at NYU, spent 2002/2003 at the Center for Advanced Studies in Behavioral Science at Stanford. Gary's book "Building the Brain", to be published this fall, is an exegesis of how a small amount of DNA can provide the instructions to build a human or other brain.
*Pat White said that as a co-ed she heard that IHTFP meant "Institute has the finest professors" followed by gales of laughter from her male classmates. She wrote, "I bet all of us literal types laughed like mad all the way through your E-mail. IHTFP may still be true, the place has changed, there are no innocents." And, from *Tony Geisler, "If someone in the Class of '63 doesn't know what IHTFP means, I sincerely doubt that they really attended TFP to begin with. (Unless they are some sort of pervert and they LTFP instead.) That's how I felt when one of my roommates in Baker was already on Page 50 of Thomas, for recreational purposes presumably, as I was first showing up to check into my room as an incoming freshman. At that moment I wanted out of TFP." *Elliot Bird said, "I didn't invent it, nor did I agree with it. While my grades weren't great, I actually enjoyed my years at the 'tute. They were not without anxieties, but I like the alternate meanings more. They resonate."
*Ken Millet said, "Your request has stretched my creativity to a breaking point. Even after all these years I can still hear the echoes of classmates screaming IHTFP. What a wonderful challenge to re-invent the meaning and sense. I fear, however, that we were not the first to employ this expression. Maybe we can be the first to give it a new meaning." *Murray Morton actually did some research "A quick search on Google finds dozens of variants on IHTFP but (my) consensus is that it stands for … [you know what.] Reportedly the MIT COOP was asked (by the school) to remove/move a T-shirt with these initials that had been prominently displayed. The 'Fine Professors' attribution is used when its meaning is questioned by an outsider or parent." *David Juncker sent me another venerable MIT equation, M=SH (the "IT"'s cancel, hahaha.) The ever-clever *Frank Model sent me four alternate meanings, but said there's no substitute for the original; my favorites "I Have The Fattest Penis" and "Ironic How This Farce Plays." *Rick Merrill believes the true meaning is like the Boy Scout motto, "I Have Taken Full Precautions." Hahaha. We're just a class of Boy Scouts!
*Cal Culver said "The only usage I ever knew is... Where it comes from I don't know, but it was in common usage in the '50s in my high school, and therefore had nothing to do with institutions in Cambridge." That's the only non-MIT attribution I know of. *Steve Gorad who started this with his letter in the February Tech Review wrote he's sure IHTFP was used elsewhere, but at MIT it was his freshman roommate that started the wave that has lasted until today. Amen.
Classmates, I'm at the 1200 word limit. I've got the essence of what you wrote, but I'm going to put more about this on our Web Site, (http://alumweb.mit.edu/classes/1963/) or into an E-mail.
You can reach me at: Mike Bertin, 22 Gillman St, Irvine, CA 92612. E-mail: MCB1@aol.com. If you want to schmooze, call me at (949) 786-9450.